Thank you for this thoughtful post, Kern. I agree with much of this. To some degree, it's simply about how creatives make their audience feel. Do readers feel a connection? Do they see a part of themselves in our work, our story, our message? I've been in the author world for over a decade and I can recall many a book signing or author panel where certain authors remained private, but brought an open and enthusiastic energy to the event, thus creating community with their readership. I've also seen the opposite. So, in this regard, I think it's less about what is said, and more about how it's said. My guess is you could share less and still leave your readers to feel connected because of your good and authentic energy.
Really good point, Nicole. Energy is harder to quantify but it's so real and so obvious when you see it. And connection does essentially come down to energy
"...do we even stop to think about how much our success depends on our likeability as individuals versus how much the audience likes the work? How heavily is the former tied to the latter right now?..."
For writers, that has always been the case. It was particularly true in the 19th century, when people like Charles Dickens, Mark Twain and Oscar Wilde were attacked in public for doing things or allegedly doing things that had nothing to do with their writing, which damaged how they were seen by others in their time and afterwards. Particularly, Wilde being "outed" as a homosexual at a time when it was considered an illegal and scandalous mental illness meant that his work could not be viewed objectively by others for many years- and, of course, none of his stories and plays actually depicted homosexuality...
Neil Gaiman would be a modern example of this kind of condemning, although, again, what he did off the page had nothing to do with what he did on it. And there was a reason why he became successful to begin with...
Of course, my case is a little different than others viewing these things, since, as a historian, I view things on a long timeline and know that work has to be objectively (apart from the author's life) to take it seriously. But that attitude doesn't seem to exist anymore outside of academia; it's more fun for people to pile on those with damaged reputations anonymously as part of an Internet mob.
True, but I wonder if Dickens ever wrote long pieces about his personal life in order to build a community so he could sell more books? Him acting out in public (or writers in general acting out in public) is much different than choosing to share significant pieces of your life for consumption, wouldn't you say?
It's honestly terrifying to me. It's what's kept me from sharing anything at all. But the pull to share got too big to ignore so here I am. Tiptoeing my way into and seeing how it all feels, while bracing myself for those inevitable shitty comments.
I think about this all the time and it does feel like a strong part of the resistance I feel to completing fiction writing. I have a background in journalism, which feels a bit different because you're writing about facts. If/when people don't like a piece, it feels more like a difference in opinion.
Fiction writing feels much more personal because it is quite literally a world I'm creating. My Substack now is more about my actual life in relation to the books I'm reading and I'm noticing that it takes me a very long time to work through those thoughts for these very reasons. Half way through the doc I almost ALWAYS say "Toni Morrison didn't have to deal with this." Whether it's true or not, those writers weren't being perceived as they were creating which seems like it would help A LOT.
This is so tricky... I always write about things I care about DEEPLY. That doesn't mean that it's necessarily about me, but about something that means quite a lot to me (poetry, languages etc.) When I wrote about the ongoing Israel-Palestine conflict I knew I was asking for trouble, but I simply could not not write about it, given that I grew up in Israel and have strong feelings about what is happening right now in Gaza. I don't have many followers, and when I wrote the first essay, I think I had about 35 subscribers. But, my brother unsubscribed from my list and hasn't talked to me since. Why? Because I dared to "dream about peace". That is the only part that really, really hurts. But the good news, I have received countless private messages in my inbox from strangers thanking me for writing a piece they don't read in newspapers/ magazines. Still, it will unfortunately not bring peace :(
That's so unfortunate about your brother, Imola. So sorry to hear that. That is literally what I am talking about in this piece, though. We put our personal thoughts out there, whether they are directly about you or not, and risk the criticism. In your case, you risked so much more than maybe you imagined. It's not easy, but to your point, sometimes you can't not do it.
What a piece Kern. I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately. Sharing parts of ourselves we can’t take back. Sharing my life alongside my work has meant that I’ve built a community with individuals I know and chat with regularly over posts but equally I would love to be Kendrick Lamar, post my work and then I’m done. Two thoughts come to mind with that, our work as creatives is inherently vulnerable it comes from our story so no matter what we try to hold back that vulnerability is out there anyway in the art. Secondly, once your audience is so big, and so trusting of you, you can scale back how much you share, what people know and up your privacy? Perhaps that’s why it works for Kendrick? I’m not sure.
Then again is sharing this way just what humanity needs right now, less capitalist selling and more understanding of the people behind the mask. Whatever it is you’ve got me thinking. Thank you for your piece and I’ll make sure I share it.
Wow, such great points, Anna. You acknowledging that our writing is inherently vulnerable is so on point. From that perspective, we're out there regardless. And yes, you're also right about the need for more connection in the world and true connection can only come from the authentic vulnerability that comes from storytelling. Brilliant, Anna. Thanks for sharing.
Hmmmmm. I use a pen-name. I don't think I'd be brave enough to write anything other than non-fiction without it. Or maybe I'm just so used to having 'cover'.
It’s also true that I’ve used a pen name for so long I don’t have much to compare it to. When I started freelancing in my 20s, even when I wasn’t writing fiction eg interviews etc, once the magazine was okay with it, I used a pen name.
I feel more free. Because I don’t have to think about the kids if I reference them or future clients in a non-literary field if I’m sharing unpopular or radical or off-centre views.
The writer's vulnerability has become painful to me. Recently I was scammed by a famous "author" and "agent." My stupidity, but in the age of AI, we all face a steep learning curve. Posting on Twitter/X last week I made helpful comments about a disease that I'm expertly qualified to discuss, as both a physician and sufferer, and received hateful replies for my "toxic optimism." How discouraging. I was trying to be helpful. Now I realize these nasty replies may not even be human comments, but rather AI-generated inflammatory propaganda.
Professional writers live by words. I'm not a professional yet; I pay my bills by practicing medicine. But I write with passion, and hateful words hurt. What should we do? Wear a shell? How do we continue speaking with the writer's vulnerability while guarding our own hearts and preserving our joy?
Nor aure those two things are mutually achievable. Once you put any piece of yourself out there, you give up a piece of control. Not sure how not to make that true.
Outstanding post, Kern. This message is something I talk about with my daughters. They’re younger and not online yet but the underlying message of how you share and write about yourself online is something I want them thinking about before they start doing it. Many of my personal stories that I share online are purposely from when I was younger, before my family. Personal choice, bit of walk before I run kinda thing re: writing and sharing online. Feels okay for now, but I think about it a lot. Your post summarized my thoughts and hesitations well.
All that said, I appreciate what you’ve shared about your journey with your writing and your daughter- it’s inspiring for me. I’d wager it has been for others. I know that doesn’t eliminate the risk and downside of shitty people online. Know that it hasn’t been for naught. Appreciate you and your writing. 👊
Comforting ro know otjer people are thinking about this, Matt. And ao glad you're talking to your daughter about this at a young age. And you're right, I know many of my personal pieces have been inspiring and so I don't have any regrets, I just want us to make sure we're questioning ourselves and acting with intention.
It is an unfortunate truth that when you put your work out into the world you are throwing fodder out for the masses who need to punish you in order to justify themselves - in direct opposition to the four legged inhabitants of our shared planet who do not have the need!
Thanks Catherine, it's a topic that doesn't get talked about in this way a lot because it feels like it's expected now. But I just want to make sure we are all aware of what we are doing and how it is impacting us (or maybe not).
Another thought-provoking and relatable article, Kern. Thank you. I have (like many others in the comments) been thinking about this a lot. I read something else the other day about "cringe culture", which also seems to fit this. It was talking about how we are hopefully coming to the end of it. Cringe culture causes a lot of people to withhold parts of themselves or their art/content for fear of being "cringe." It makes us scared to be vulnerable!
Thank you for this thoughtful post, Kern. I agree with much of this. To some degree, it's simply about how creatives make their audience feel. Do readers feel a connection? Do they see a part of themselves in our work, our story, our message? I've been in the author world for over a decade and I can recall many a book signing or author panel where certain authors remained private, but brought an open and enthusiastic energy to the event, thus creating community with their readership. I've also seen the opposite. So, in this regard, I think it's less about what is said, and more about how it's said. My guess is you could share less and still leave your readers to feel connected because of your good and authentic energy.
Really good point, Nicole. Energy is harder to quantify but it's so real and so obvious when you see it. And connection does essentially come down to energy
"...do we even stop to think about how much our success depends on our likeability as individuals versus how much the audience likes the work? How heavily is the former tied to the latter right now?..."
For writers, that has always been the case. It was particularly true in the 19th century, when people like Charles Dickens, Mark Twain and Oscar Wilde were attacked in public for doing things or allegedly doing things that had nothing to do with their writing, which damaged how they were seen by others in their time and afterwards. Particularly, Wilde being "outed" as a homosexual at a time when it was considered an illegal and scandalous mental illness meant that his work could not be viewed objectively by others for many years- and, of course, none of his stories and plays actually depicted homosexuality...
Neil Gaiman would be a modern example of this kind of condemning, although, again, what he did off the page had nothing to do with what he did on it. And there was a reason why he became successful to begin with...
Of course, my case is a little different than others viewing these things, since, as a historian, I view things on a long timeline and know that work has to be objectively (apart from the author's life) to take it seriously. But that attitude doesn't seem to exist anymore outside of academia; it's more fun for people to pile on those with damaged reputations anonymously as part of an Internet mob.
True, but I wonder if Dickens ever wrote long pieces about his personal life in order to build a community so he could sell more books? Him acting out in public (or writers in general acting out in public) is much different than choosing to share significant pieces of your life for consumption, wouldn't you say?
It's honestly terrifying to me. It's what's kept me from sharing anything at all. But the pull to share got too big to ignore so here I am. Tiptoeing my way into and seeing how it all feels, while bracing myself for those inevitable shitty comments.
Tiptoe all you want and need. I think youre doing the right thing by testing how you feel. That's literally my message in this post; be aware.
You can lose alot of things and get them back but privacy is impossible to get back once you lose it.
Yes! So true, Jean. Once it's out there, it's out there.
Opening up parts of my life is scary and I am doing it anyway but this reminds me of what it might cost
And we all need reminders sometimes.
I think about this all the time and it does feel like a strong part of the resistance I feel to completing fiction writing. I have a background in journalism, which feels a bit different because you're writing about facts. If/when people don't like a piece, it feels more like a difference in opinion.
Fiction writing feels much more personal because it is quite literally a world I'm creating. My Substack now is more about my actual life in relation to the books I'm reading and I'm noticing that it takes me a very long time to work through those thoughts for these very reasons. Half way through the doc I almost ALWAYS say "Toni Morrison didn't have to deal with this." Whether it's true or not, those writers weren't being perceived as they were creating which seems like it would help A LOT.
This is so tricky... I always write about things I care about DEEPLY. That doesn't mean that it's necessarily about me, but about something that means quite a lot to me (poetry, languages etc.) When I wrote about the ongoing Israel-Palestine conflict I knew I was asking for trouble, but I simply could not not write about it, given that I grew up in Israel and have strong feelings about what is happening right now in Gaza. I don't have many followers, and when I wrote the first essay, I think I had about 35 subscribers. But, my brother unsubscribed from my list and hasn't talked to me since. Why? Because I dared to "dream about peace". That is the only part that really, really hurts. But the good news, I have received countless private messages in my inbox from strangers thanking me for writing a piece they don't read in newspapers/ magazines. Still, it will unfortunately not bring peace :(
That's so unfortunate about your brother, Imola. So sorry to hear that. That is literally what I am talking about in this piece, though. We put our personal thoughts out there, whether they are directly about you or not, and risk the criticism. In your case, you risked so much more than maybe you imagined. It's not easy, but to your point, sometimes you can't not do it.
What a piece Kern. I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately. Sharing parts of ourselves we can’t take back. Sharing my life alongside my work has meant that I’ve built a community with individuals I know and chat with regularly over posts but equally I would love to be Kendrick Lamar, post my work and then I’m done. Two thoughts come to mind with that, our work as creatives is inherently vulnerable it comes from our story so no matter what we try to hold back that vulnerability is out there anyway in the art. Secondly, once your audience is so big, and so trusting of you, you can scale back how much you share, what people know and up your privacy? Perhaps that’s why it works for Kendrick? I’m not sure.
Then again is sharing this way just what humanity needs right now, less capitalist selling and more understanding of the people behind the mask. Whatever it is you’ve got me thinking. Thank you for your piece and I’ll make sure I share it.
Wow, such great points, Anna. You acknowledging that our writing is inherently vulnerable is so on point. From that perspective, we're out there regardless. And yes, you're also right about the need for more connection in the world and true connection can only come from the authentic vulnerability that comes from storytelling. Brilliant, Anna. Thanks for sharing.
Hmmmmm. I use a pen-name. I don't think I'd be brave enough to write anything other than non-fiction without it. Or maybe I'm just so used to having 'cover'.
Does it feel like cover to you? Meaning do you feel more brave when you write?
It’s also true that I’ve used a pen name for so long I don’t have much to compare it to. When I started freelancing in my 20s, even when I wasn’t writing fiction eg interviews etc, once the magazine was okay with it, I used a pen name.
I feel more free. Because I don’t have to think about the kids if I reference them or future clients in a non-literary field if I’m sharing unpopular or radical or off-centre views.
The writer's vulnerability has become painful to me. Recently I was scammed by a famous "author" and "agent." My stupidity, but in the age of AI, we all face a steep learning curve. Posting on Twitter/X last week I made helpful comments about a disease that I'm expertly qualified to discuss, as both a physician and sufferer, and received hateful replies for my "toxic optimism." How discouraging. I was trying to be helpful. Now I realize these nasty replies may not even be human comments, but rather AI-generated inflammatory propaganda.
Professional writers live by words. I'm not a professional yet; I pay my bills by practicing medicine. But I write with passion, and hateful words hurt. What should we do? Wear a shell? How do we continue speaking with the writer's vulnerability while guarding our own hearts and preserving our joy?
Troy A Thompson, MD
Nor aure those two things are mutually achievable. Once you put any piece of yourself out there, you give up a piece of control. Not sure how not to make that true.
Outstanding post, Kern. This message is something I talk about with my daughters. They’re younger and not online yet but the underlying message of how you share and write about yourself online is something I want them thinking about before they start doing it. Many of my personal stories that I share online are purposely from when I was younger, before my family. Personal choice, bit of walk before I run kinda thing re: writing and sharing online. Feels okay for now, but I think about it a lot. Your post summarized my thoughts and hesitations well.
All that said, I appreciate what you’ve shared about your journey with your writing and your daughter- it’s inspiring for me. I’d wager it has been for others. I know that doesn’t eliminate the risk and downside of shitty people online. Know that it hasn’t been for naught. Appreciate you and your writing. 👊
Comforting ro know otjer people are thinking about this, Matt. And ao glad you're talking to your daughter about this at a young age. And you're right, I know many of my personal pieces have been inspiring and so I don't have any regrets, I just want us to make sure we're questioning ourselves and acting with intention.
It is an unfortunate truth that when you put your work out into the world you are throwing fodder out for the masses who need to punish you in order to justify themselves - in direct opposition to the four legged inhabitants of our shared planet who do not have the need!
We could learn a lot from those four legged inhabitants!
Indeed!
Kern, this has been extremely on my mind lately and when I saw your SL, I clicked right through. Good post :)
Thanks Catherine, it's a topic that doesn't get talked about in this way a lot because it feels like it's expected now. But I just want to make sure we are all aware of what we are doing and how it is impacting us (or maybe not).
Another thought-provoking and relatable article, Kern. Thank you. I have (like many others in the comments) been thinking about this a lot. I read something else the other day about "cringe culture", which also seems to fit this. It was talking about how we are hopefully coming to the end of it. Cringe culture causes a lot of people to withhold parts of themselves or their art/content for fear of being "cringe." It makes us scared to be vulnerable!